Grief is a word we often associate with losing someone we love, but as I’ve come to learn, it’s so much more than that. It’s the quiet moments when the world seems normal but inside you’re carrying something heavy. 

It’s not just about death—it’s about the loss of what was, what could have been, or even the loss of a version of yourself.

My Grief Story

It was October 2017 when my life changed forever. 

I was living in South Korea at the time, teaching English, when I got the call no one ever wants to receive, “She doesn’t have much time. You need to come home.” 

You see, after years of battling a horrible disease, my younger sister took a tragic fall the January before, leaving her wheelchair-bound. At just 26 years young, her life changed in an instant and her health began to steadily decline. 

Now I won’t go into all the nitty-gritty details of her condition or how horrific that event was, because let’s be honest, no one likes a trauma dumper, but what I will tell you is that after her fall, life was never the same—for any of us.

I kept holding on to hope (we all did), telling myself that if I wished hard enough, bargained with the universe, or did enough good deeds, then things would magically turn around. She would get better and everything would go back to how it used to be. 

But deep down, I knew. We all knew. I think even my sister knew—It was just a matter of time.

October 20th, 2017, is the day she passed away.

Grief became a permanent part of my life that day. 

Grief: The Unexpected House Guest

After my sister passed, I quickly realized I had two choices:

(1) I could pretend it didn’t exist (you best BELIEVE I tried),

OR

(2) I could embrace it—treat it like that friend who shows up uninvited, throws off your plans, and stays waaay too long.

You know how it goes: one minute, you’re at the grocery store, excited to grab snacks for a cozy night in, and then—BAM—something triggers you, and suddenly, you’re a puddle of tears on the floor of aisle five. 

And just as you’re wiping your face, hoping that no one noticed this embarrassing outburst, the teenager next to you restocking Doritos, awkwardly asks, “Are you okay?”

No, I’m not okay, Brad!

Thankssss, grief. 🙃

But the thing about grief is that it keeps showing up, even when you think you’ve got it handled. 

Since losing my sister, I’ve lost more loved ones—friends, my aunt, and both of my grandparents. 

And with each loss, grief feels like that familiar weight pressing down, like a heavy winter coat I keep shoved at the back of my closet and reluctantly put on from time to time.

The Stages of Grief and How It Can Show Up Unexpectedly

What they don’t tell you about grief is how unpredictable it is—well, actually they do, but I feel like you can’t fully understand unless you’ve experienced it.

Sure, there are the “stages” you hear about—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance—blah, blah, blah. 

But it’s not a neat, linear process.

It’s messy, and sometimes you find yourself bouncing between these stages like an emotional pinball machine. 

You can learn more about the stages of grief here.

What they also don’t tell you is how certain dates, memories, or seasons can slam you back into the depths of grief without warning—okay maybe they tell you this too, buuut I swear the instant whiplash will make you forget! 

For me, it’s not just October. There are specific dates throughout the year that carry their own emotional weight:

• January 13th: The day she fell.
• October 11th: The day I got “the call.”
• October 20th: The day she passed away.
• November 6th: Her celebration of life service.

And then, of course, the holidays—especially her birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Those days remind me of all the traditions we had, the person she was, and the fact that I no longer get to share them with her.

But here’s what I’ve learned over the years: grief is part of the human experience.

And it doesn’t go away after a year or two (lord knows I’ve tried). It changes, yes, but it’s always there, like a quiet companion you never asked for.

Some days it hits harder than others, but over time, I’ve realized that grief AND joy can coexist.

Grief and Joy—They Can Both Sit at the Table

In spite of it all, October is actually my favorite month—obviously because of fall but ALSO because I got married to my best friend in October (celebrating 12 years on the 6th!) 

But it’s also the month I lost my sister. 

The duality of grief and joy is something I’ve had to navigate over the years—and let me tell you, it’s not always easy.

One of my favorite characters, Charlie Brown, often says, “Good grief” with a sigh of frustration. 

But as the years have passed and I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that grief can be “good”, in a way. 

It forces us to confront our humanity and sit with hard emotions, even when we’d rather not. Which honestly, has helped me look at life through a different lens and has helped me become a more compassionate person and business owner. 

Grief never truly leaves, but it does become more manageable as time passes.

And while I wish I could say I’ve figured it all out, I haven’t. I’m just learning how to live with it, letting it be a part of my life instead of pretending it doesn’t exist.

Honoring My Sister’s Memory

Grief, for me, is about keeping my sister close in small, meaningful ways. Like her worn-out Converse sneakers—she always looked effortlessly cool in them. 

Every time I slip them on, I can almost hear her voice: “Lorin, stop stealing my clothes!” 

If you have a sister, you get it—“borrowing” clothes without asking is basically a sibling rite of passage.

But the most cherished keepsake is a handwritten note I found long after she passed. It was buried in an old box, a simple index card that read, “Sorry I left you,” in her familiar handwriting. 

My heart skipped a beat when I found it because, if you know me, you know handwritten notes are my love language. This one became sacred. 

Also, for a girl who NEVER apologized, having those words in writing was everything.

That note came after one of our classic sibling fights. She’d left me stranded after a heated argument (which I can’t remember now), and when I got home, there it was—an apology taped to my door. 

The note represented a tangible reminder of our messy, deep love as sisters. I even had her exact words tattooed on my arm in her handwriting, a permanent way to keep her with me.

Grief and Business—No One Talks About This Enough

Not enough people talk about what it’s like to run an online business while navigating grief. 

If you’re someone who’s been through it—or are currently going through it—you’ll know that grief doesn’t care if you have deadlines, client calls, or a full to-do list. It has no concept of time zones or schedules, and it sure as hell doesn’t ask for permission before showing up.

There are moments when grief sneaks up on me in the middle of a busy workday, and suddenly, I’m not the capable business owner I pride myself on being. 

I’m just someone trying to keep it together. 

So, How Do We Deal with Grief as Business Owners?

I get it. It’s tough. And some days it feels impossible. 

It’s a balancing act I’m still figuring out, but here are a few things I’ve learned along the way, that might help you too:

**Disclaimer: I’m not a professional, just someone who’s lived through it.

1. Honor Their Memory

Create a space in your life or routine to honor your loved ones. Maybe it’s lighting a candle, keeping a favorite photo nearby, wearing a piece of their clothing, or dedicating a day to them. It’s okay to make them part of your business story, too.

2. Acknowledge the Emotions (even the crappy ones)

Don’t shove them down. When grief comes knocking, take a moment to feel it in all its forms. Recognize that it’s part of you, and that’s okay.

3. Seek Professional Help

Grief is heavvvvy, and you don’t have to carry it alone–pinky promise! Therapy has been an essential part of my healing journey, and I encourage anyone who is struggling, to seek out a licensed therapist or counselor. It’s okay to ask for help.

4. Find a Hobby That Brings You Joy

For me, running has become more than just exercise—it’s a way to process my emotions. Running helps me move through my grief and anxiety, giving me the mental clarity to face my day-to-day responsibilities. What is a hobby that you’d like to explore?

5. Practice Self-Care (even when you don’t want to)

Take care of yourself, even when it feels impossible. Self-care can look different for everyone—whether it’s taking a bath, watching your favorite show, or simply allowing yourself to rest. Remember, your mental health matters.

6. Connect with Others

Surround yourself with supportive friends and family, and don’t hesitate to share what you’re going through. You might find comfort in knowing that others have experienced similar feelings.

7. Allow Yourself to Be Present

Grief often drags us back into unpleasant memories of the past. Allow yourself to be present, whether it’s enjoying the beauty around you or savoring a good cup of coffee.

8. Remember That It’s Okay to Be Happy

Yes, you’re allowed to feel joy. Grief doesn’t erase your ability to experience happiness. Let joy coexist with your grief, and don’t feel guilty about it.

Grief Doesn’t Have to Be About Death 

Here’s something I want to emphasize—grief isn’t always about losing a person. You can grieve the loss of a relationship, a version of yourself, or even an idea of how you thought your life would turn out. 

We often overlook these other forms of grief, but they’re just as valid.

Maybe you’ve left behind a career that no longer served you, and while it was the right choice, you still feel a sense of loss.

Maybe you’ve faced a challenging year in your business and are mourning the disappointment of not reaching your goals. Or maybe you’ve outgrown a friendship, and though it needed to end, it still hurts. 

There’s grief in those moments too, and they deserve to be acknowledged.

Grief shows up in many forms, and no one’s experience is the same. But whatever form it takes, it’s important to recognize it for what it is—a natural response to change, loss, and life’s unpredictability.

Grief’s Influence on My Business Approach

Navigating grief has profoundly shaped my approach as a business owner. It has taught me the importance of compassion, both for myself and for others. 

When I encounter clients or colleagues who are facing their own challenges, I draw on my own experiences to foster a supportive and understanding environment. This compassion allows me to create deeper connections and infuses my work with authenticity. 

I believe that a business should not only focus on growth and success but also prioritize empathy and connection—after all, we are not robots but actual human beings and should be treated as such. 

Grief has shown me that every interaction can be a chance to uplift someone, creating a more inclusive and caring community.

A Final Thought on Grief

I’m no expert on grief—just someone who has navigated its complexities and is still learning how to move forward. If you’re on your own grief journey, know that it’s perfectly okay to feel lost and not have all the answers. But I hope you know that grief and joy can coexist, and it’s important to acknowledge that.

If you’re currently facing grief or loss, here are some resources that might help:

• Grief.com
• The National Alliance for Grieving Children
• The Dougy Center
• BetterHelp (for connecting with a licensed therapist)

Remember, you don’t have to suffer through grief alone. Therapy, support groups, and resources like these can offer guidance and space for healing.

Truly, I want you to know that you’re not alone—I see you. 

As we approach the holiday season, a time that can stir up a whirlwind of emotions (speaking from experience), I hope you can allow yourself to move a little slower. 

Extend grace to yourself and to others. Be gentle. Be patient. Be kind.

Take care of yourself, and trust that brighter days are ahead.

xx, Lorin